After my daughter was born I joined all the natural parenting groups I could find. I genuinely thought that's where I would fit in. I mean, of course I'm a natural parent, right?
All the signs were there:
I had a homebirth with no drugs, no interventions, not even any cervical checks.
I accept chiropractors and acupuncturists as medicine and not voodoo. My daughter had her first chiropractic adjustment at one month. Just because I don't know why it works doesn't mean it doesn't work, and hey, my insurance company is not going to pay for it if it isn't at least a little effective.
My little one has slept in the bed with my husband and I every night since the night she was born.
She does a version of "Jazz Hands" which we call "The Starfish"
I breastfeed the shit out of that kid. Seriously, she's almost two and she's actually nursing as we speak. She can nurse as long as she wants too. She likes it, it gives her nutrients. It acts as a low-level narcotic for both pain reduction and sedation purposes.
We have a time-in corner instead of a naughty step or time-out ottoman or whatever you call it. This is probably one of the crunchiest things about my husband and I. (If you don't know about time-ins I suggest you read this.)
So, even though I use all these natural, gentle parenting techniques I found it almost impossible to get along with people in these "natural," "gentle," and "holistic" parenting groups.
The major issues I came up against were these:
1. Vaccination- If I were a real natural parent I would never vaccinate my child. That shit does nothing but poison them. So what if my kid gives other kids measles? So what if my own kid dies of chicken pox? That's a small price to pay when we're talking about a global conspiracy to put CHEMICALS in my child's body. Besides, it doesn't even prevent diseases. Did you watch this Youtube video about it? It completely validates my opinions while providing no scientific evidence whatsoever. (That's how you know it's good.) /s
2. Gluten- This gluten hate is pretty pervasive. I mean, I've thought about making my daughter gluten-free more times than I'm proud of (once). My husband actually has a gluten allergy but that doesn't make me feel like this issue is any more real. In fact, I think it's shitty that people out there are foregoing delicious delicious gluten for no real reason. Most gluten-free propagandites remind me of this bit from This is the End.
3. Guns- I know right, what the hell? Who would have thought natural parents would be gun nuts? Well, I think a lot of the time it comes from living in bum fuck. People who make all their own (gluten-free?) multi-grain bread and maintain a goat ranch while unschooling their children often need their guns for bears, and meddling government workers. I'm one of those people who, when someone is trying to be moderate by saying "well, no one is talking about banning guns..." I stand up and say "Me. I am. Ban guns, yep, sounds great." Yeah, that doesn't really fly in "gentle" parenting groups.
Of course I can't get in with mainstream parenting groups either. No crib? Breastfeeding a toddler? It shocks the mind! Not to mention I'm just flaunting my breastfeeding in everyone's face. My very existence as someone who breastfeeds and discusses the benefits of breastfeeding is insulting to many mainstream moms. Obviously it is a judgement on them. *Sigh*
I guess I'll just be here in my time-in corner vaccinating my children.