Friday, January 25, 2013

The Greatest Questions on Baby Center

For those of you who might not know, Babycenter is a website dedicated to telling you about the development of the average small human. Most women who have experienced pregnancy in the last ten years or so probably have used Babycenter's pregnancy tracking. This is where they tell you the size of your interior human based on a series of different pieces of produce. My own personal favorite was somewhere in the beginning of the third trimester when they absolutely gave up on coming up with novel fruit ideas and said that my fetus was the size of "four navel oranges." Four oranges? Really? How about we just continue to measure the child in grapes. This week it is 4 grapes, next week it is 10 grapes, by the end it is 200 grapes. Come on Babycenter, really?

But I digress. You see, Babycenter has a section of their site called 'Mom Answers.' This is essentially a forum where individual users can put forth a question about some aspect of parenting and other users will answer. I'm sure this can be a somewhat helpful tool, as the experiences of other moms are usually more helpful than the advice of their so-called experts. (I'd like to point out that at my tiny human's current stage they recommended an article for me on weaning. My eyebrows could not have gone higher on my forehead.)

Anyway, I find 'Mom Answers' to be the best part of the site for a completely different reason.

They tell you that there is no such thing as a stupid question. The elitist in me (which is a hefty percentage) must disagree.

With that in mind, I present to you the Greatest Questions on Baby Center (part 1?)

This series of questions revolve around the safety of doing certain things or using certain things during pregnancy. They can be easily divided into two categories.

 The first questions revolve around things which I had previously thought were clearly safe in any situation. Such as the following:

This category is overflowing with goodies. 
It honestly makes me a little concerned about the women that are asking these questions. Are they asking before they do literally everything? How very, very tiring. 

I think its too late for that.

The answer to this one was the greatest part. "Uh, isn't ice just frozen water?"

This one is just bizarrely specific.

Anyway, enough of that. For those of you who are thinking I'm being a bitch because these women had actual logical questions, god help you. I will point out that I did not include any of the hundreds of questions about whether safe was sex while pregnant because I consider this to be a very important question. 

Except this one. This one is hilarious. 

The answer. Oh, the answer.

On to category the second, which is exactly the opposite of the first category. Here you will find questions regarding things which are never, never safe. Such as:
See, the idea here is that even with the idea of pregnancy completely removed, the answer is, "no, that is decidedly not safe."
The answer to this one was funny too. "It's no worse than going on a roller coaster." (ha)


I don't know what that is, but it might actually be safer if you're not menstruating.

Not for your career. 

Now here are a couple more that don't fit into these categories but which I thought were funny anyway. 

Once again, the answer really makes that one.

This is such an existential question. 

Finally, here is the one that began it all. The absolutely, 100%, greatest question on Babycenter.

There are no words.